Wednesdays Suck

So, a little background is in order here.

Amy gets the kids Wednesday nights through Friday morning.  Then, every other weekend, she gets them for the weekend as well.  So every Wednesday, I get to watch my family drive away for as much as 5 days.  It hurts.  It also puts me in a shit-ass mood for a couple days, minimum.

This coming weekend is Amy's weekend with the kids.  She got to the house around 5:15 to pick them up.  I walked them out, helped them into her car, told them all I loved them.  All I got from Amy was "Talk to you later" as she was pulling away.

I stood in the road watching them leave.  I kept standing there for another 5 minutes or so, in the middle of the street.  Trying not to feel the way I knew was coming.  Trying to prepare myself mentally for what has become the hardest workout of the week.  The workout I failed on last week.  Trying to not think about everything I have lost.

The neighbor's horn broke me from my solitude.  I was still in the middle of the street.  Time to go in and fire up the workout.

I made it through the Burn Intervals and the Ab Burner with little trouble, even with my stomach slightly upset from 'eff-it Wednesday's lunch at the buffet.  But I was in a sour mood.  I couldn't get out of my head.

I thought to myself, "Well, this is 'eff-it Wednesday, right?'".  I went to Suzy's (local bar) and ordered a cheeseburger and fries.  I hadn't had a meal like this in over a month.  I sat there, eating, talking with a friend, and still felt like crap.

I still do.  But 'eff-it Wednesday' has to go.  Emotionally, I'm in a horrible mood, but physically, I feel like crap right now.  My stomach is rolling from the food yesterday.  I was going to skip breakfast this morning, I felt so bad, but knew that was setting myself up for failure, so I had breakfast anyway.  (Bagel Thin with margarine, 2 turkey sausage links, water)

I hope this gets better.  I hope I get used to watching my family drive away.  I hope I can prevent myself from using food to not feel abandoned, for companionship, or for whatever it is I'm feeling.

I need to get out of that street.