Knowing When to Fight Through

I was really pumped to workout tonight.

Seriously.

All in all, today was a pretty rough day.  Some things that I had to deal with today caused some real frustration, at several different times of the day, but every time I felt myself getting frustrated, I remembered that today was a burn circuit workout.  I've enjoyed them every time before, there was no reason to not enjoy this one.  Remembering this helped me stay positive, and let me feel encouraged and try to share that feeling with some friends that are fighting through their own workout trials.

Actually, we've got a mutually beneficial relationship going here.  Mike and I seem to push each other.  Which in turns lets me and Steph encourage each other, which we then (Steph definitely more than me) harangue upon the Colonel.  It's an interesting synergy (what does that REALLY mean?  does anyone know?) that has formed around us.

After basketball practice, I took a little while to get the boys into bed, and then got to working out about 8:35-8:40.  A shade later than normal for me, but not too much out of the ordinary.

I was ready to workout.  Looking forward to it.

I got into the warmup, and really felt myself having trouble warming up.  The energy just wasn't there.

I started to get frustrated.

The second exercise was the one last week that really started the knee pain.

It started again.

More frustrated.

After about 7 or 8 reps of that one, I paused the workout.  My knee was hurting.  I reset my position and concentrated on form.  I restarted the workout, got through the 12 reps, and had mostly ameliorated the knee pain.

I decided to crank up the weight from last week on the dead lift with reverse row.  In this exercise, you do a full dead lift, holding the weights down with your palms out.  After a full dead lift, you go about halfway down, then do a reverse row.

For a guy with a gut and using REALLY WIDE dumbbells, this is very hard.

I paused the video again.  After 6.  I was really angry.  I was nearing rage mode.

I was going to move on to the next exercise.  Fuck, it, right?  I had stopped at 6 last week, I could again this week.

And I thought about Mike.  I would have let him down, in a way.  I thought of Steph, staying on the treadmill even after taking a phone to the coot.

I couldn't stop.

Not now.

So I left the video paused.  I banged out 6 more reps to get to 12.

And was on my merry way.

I found myself pushing myself even harder after that.  By the time I reached the end of the workout, I was exhausted.  Exhausted enough that I had trouble keeping my balance in the cooldown stretches.

It felt good.

Blake Griffin Mozgovs Perkins

For the people that may understand what that title means...enjoy...

This is just...wow...inhuman...

Motivational Montage #2

I do this all the time too, but it usually involves a nicer car and a pound of bacon. And I'm not angry about not being able to dance. It's usually because I'm angry about losing my last fighter in Galaga. And there's less dancing. Well, not any dancing. Never mind. Actually, I just kinda shout an obscenity and pet the cat. But I do pet her VERY angrily.

Tweaks

So, on a couple workouts last week, I was feeling major knee pain.  Enough to make me seriously consider stopping the workout.  I didn't stop, and after a few different exercises, it usually went away.  But trust me, it was excruciatingly painful while it was happening.

Last Thursday was week 3, Burn Circuit 3.  One of the ones that had caused some knee pain.

And it was happening again.  This time, instead of just toughing through, I paused the workout for about 30 seconds and thought about what was happening.

The knee pain started with the new dumbbells.

But the dumbbells enhance the workout so much.

I couldn't scrap them.  And besides, I had given the bands to my mother...

So I got thinking about what was different.  This is the conclusion that I came to.  It's very hard to have bad form with the bands.  With the type of resistance they offer, you are kind of forced to be in a correct position or everything just feels wonky.

With the dumbbells, however, you're completely in control of all the forces at the same time.

That's the difference.  My form must have been off.  With my form being incorrect, then odd stresses would be applied to my joints.  That makes sense, right?

So I restarted the workout after the 30 seconds, and this time REALLY concentrated on my form.

It made all the difference in the world.  Take the squats for example.  If your knee goes past your ankle at all...bad form.  Undue stresses on the knee.  Dead Lifts...if your back isn't straight, you're putting wrenching forces on your lower back...and so on.

Once I had corrected the form, the pain went right away.  I just finished week 4 Burn Circuit 1, and didn't have one iota of knee pain, and actually, during the cooldown phase, I was able to stretch my body considerably farther than I had before.

So when Tits McGee on the video is talking about keeping your back straight and your knees over your ankles, listen to her.  Well...listen to her while you're staring at her chest, but still listen.

One other final note...back before week 2 I went searching for cross trainers.  I may be flat footed or something, but the cross trainers just killed my feet.  Being a major basketball fanatic, I have plenty of basketball sneakers around, and switched to working out in those.

If you find your feet being sore during workouts...basketball shoes.  Specifically Adidas.  They're sooooo much better.  I guess my cross trainers are my new walkaround shoes, as I'm not using them for working out any more.

Well, anyway, I'm tired.  Tonight's workout was a great ending to an overall rough day.  But, my kids are back, until Wednesday anyway, so things are looking up.

G'night.

Jason

(The motivational montage for week 4 will premiere tomorrow.  I spaced on it today, and I'm too tired to look for it tonight...)

Has it Really Been Three Weeks?

Why, yes, Jason, yes it has.

Wow.  Three weeks on the "New Temporarily Fat Jason's Hero's Journey To See His Feet Without Leaning Forward".

I'm feeling good, physically.

My body is starting to change.  Not massive changes, mind you, but changes nonetheless.  I'm stronger in my body, and slightly in my will.

I still have my down days.  Take yesterday, for instance.  Weekends without the kids, when they're with Amy, are very hard for me.  Very hard.  I feel lost, and have trouble determining purpose for myself at those times.  I find myself identifying with sad things.

I like the show Chuck.  The show is basically about how a computer nerd 'Chuck' becomes a spy and lands the love of his life in the process.  I've always identified in a small way with the character Chuck.  I've seen many facets of myself in that character.

The series ended this past Friday for good.  In the last two episodes, the love of his life, Sarah, lost the last five years of her memory.  It was like her relationship with Chuck had never happened.  She left him.

The parallels I felt were eerie.  That, in a way, is how I feel with Amy.  Like she has lost the last 13 years of her memory.  Like everything that we did, everything that we had together, were meaningless.

It's those types of things that are hard for me.  Trying to find purpose, find meaning.  I'm getting there, and I've got a great group of friends that I know are behind me, and want me to do well.

That helps.  Immensely.  I would never have gotten through week 3 without Mike pushing, encouraging, and sharing his experience.  I would have never have gotten through week 3 without Steph sharing my struggles and commiserating.  Without Drew ready on a moment's whim if I needed him.  With Stacey and the Colonel to laugh with and poke fun at each other.

I'm done with grandiose goals.  There's only one goal I have now.  I want to be a better me.  I'm ready to succeed.  I'm ready to fail.

I'm ready for the Hero's Journey.

It's time for me to make it my own.  Everyone has their own Hero's Journey, I think.  The lucky people get to realize it when it's happening.  They get to seize it, write the narrative.  I want to be the writer of this story.  I hope I write it well.

If Seeing This Doesn't Make You Want to Lose Weight...

Yup....horrible.

Kevin Garnett Should Never Visit a Psych Ward

They might just add him to the stable of crazies...

Taking Stock

Last night was Burn Intervals and the Ab Burner workouts.  They were tough.

But I made it through.  I made it through quite well, actually.  There were a couple exercises that I had to slow down or take a break on, usually due to my back just getting sore, but I did MUCH more of the workout than I had in previous weeks.  Same thing with the Ab workout.  I was really much more effective at it.

Which got me thinking.  First, about Old Fat Jason.

Yup.  Not the most impressive specimen.

But, I've lost about 10 pounds on the program so far, and around 55 pounds overall since August.  In that time though, I've really started to notice some changes to my body finally since starting the workout program.

My pants size has dropped by two.  It's almost time for a new belt.  Shirts are fitting better.  Maybe there's something to this.

Even a few people have noticed and said something to me.  People that aren't really in my core group of friends.

I'm not going to lie, but that's encouraging.

Thinking about all that, I decided to get in the mirror last night and take stock...see what I could see.  It's really the first time I had done it since I started the program.

Holy crap.  I had defined muscles on my arms.  I had never had those before, even when I was in ROTC and in the best shape of my life.  I've always been strong.  My upper-body strength was never in question, but I never 'looked' strong in my arms.  But now I have a definite level of definition in my forearms and biceps.

I also noticed that I could see more of the wall behind me than before.  My moobs and gut weren't so in the way anymore.

It felt amazing.  Kinda like this:

(New Temporarily Fat Jason:  p-p-p-p-POWER!)

Yeah, the changes are small...but they are there.  And right now, they're enough.

Burn Circuit 3 after practice tonight.  I might oil myself up for it.  Do some flexing.

Later,

Jason.

Introducing the Syracuse Home Depots

Yup, these are the new uniforms.  Yikes.

From:

http://www.9wsyr.com/sports/content/su_sports/story/Syracuse-Orange-basketball-gray-Nike-uniform/LeYDEgTBfkOqFi9-kSiQ-g.cspx

There are more photos here:

http://www.nunesmagician.com/2012/1/25/2732314/photos-syracuse-basketball-nike-hyper-elite-platinum-uniform

Yeah.  It's that bad.

Learning About Working Out with Free Weights

Let's start after work.  In my grocery run last week, I had picked up a cheap cut of steak at Aldi's.  Monday night, I sliced it up thin, across the grain (thank you Alton Brown), and set it to marinating in Aldi's steak and chop sauce.

"Go across the grain, or I'ma cut a bitch"

(Also, this is not Drew.  Really.)

When I got home last night, I started stir-frying that in a large skillet with just a quick spray of canola oil.  Once it was mostly cooked, I added roughly chopped peppers and onions.  It was basically an americanized pepper steak.  We had brown rice and broccoli with it, and it was kick ass.  Aldi's can be sketchy on some stuff, but the sauce was killer, especially used in this manner.  It had a really nice bite to it.  We all enjoyed it, I think.

After dinner was basketball practice, which went really well.  I could definitely use more than an hour for coaching, but we used the time well.  And, I think I have Conrad's natural position figured out.  That kid can flat-out play in the post.  He actually used some up-and-under and drop-steps last night that players 3 times his age don't use.  It seemed to come to him naturally.  I'm stoked.

After practice I got the boys in bed and relaxed for a bit.  Downed a large glass of water, refilled it, and got ready for Week 3's Burn Circuit 2, the last burn circuit that I had yet to use with the dumbbells.

I fired up the video and started the warm up.  For whatever reason, I felt REALLY tight last night, and I kinda half-assed the warmup portion.

I'm stupid.

Burn Circuit 2 has several lunge-involved exercises.  Many of them combined with rows.  The third one in is a lunge with a bent over row.  So, you lunge forward, bend over keeping your back straight, and do a two-handed row.  On the third or fourth one of these, my left knee started hurting.  This was with my left knee back in the lunge, right foot forward.

By the fifth, it was hurting extremely bad.

Like...Shaun Livingston bad.  Here's an image of his knee injury if you don't know what or who I'm talking about:

Yeah, it felt like my knee was about to do that.  As if it was trying to explode out of my leg, Alien style.  I was seriously considering cancelling the entire workout.  After the twelfth rep, you switch legs, which meant it was my left foot forward.  That didn't help.  I could really only do eight of these.

I paused the workout, walked around for a couple seconds.  Did some high-knees running in place, and decided to continue on.  It still hurt, but grew less and less.  I could feel my body loosen up after a couple more exercises, and I was fine, even being able to push certain things farther than I had before.

So let's think about what happened.  I had done this twice before with the bands and never had anything close to that kind of problem.

1.  Using free-weights now.  This could be a part of it.  I was used to the bands and had developed a certain form with them.  Also, when using them in combination with lunges, the bands themselves lend a certain level of stability to the exercise, which means that the exercise wasn't ever as effective as it could be with free weights.  Now, with the dumbbells, I was using more muscles in my lower body to provide stability, adding more pressure.  Also, the weight of the dumbbells themselves was now being applied downward, where with the bands it was always behind me, as the band was wrapped around the trailing foot.

2.  Half-assing the warmup.  I think this is the major culprit.  Honestly.  I really didn't work that hard at the warmup, and with all the new stresses and forces applied to my lower body by the free weights, the muscles being used just weren't ready.  They then spread those forces to the joints.

I need to work harder at the warmups from now on.  I learned last night that if you don't do them correctly, your workout will suffer.  I might even start doing a pre-warmup routine for a bit, maybe some simple calisthenics or stuff like that.  I don't want to feel that knee pain again.

Anyway, again, thanks for reading.

Jason

Failing at Eating...

Yesterday was tough.

A scheduled rest day, I made it through the day just fine.  Made a really tasty dinner that skirted the healthy guidelines.  It was nachos, but made with ground beef that I strained the fat from once it was cooked for 5 minutes under running water then blotted out on a towel.  That combined with whole grain tortilla chips, fat free cheese, and a shit-ton of vegetables on top, and all in all, it was healthy.  For nachos anyway.  I only gave myself a handful of the chips to begin with, because that was really the danger item health-wise, I figured.  Also, fresh bell peppers on nachos...along with the jalapeno and onion...holy schnikeys that's good stuff.

I sat down to watch the Syracuse and Boston Celtics games after playing with the boys for awhile and getting them to bed.  Sitting there watching the games, I started getting hungry.  Really hungry.  Like my own personal version of 127 Hours, except eating my arm instead of cutting it off.

I tried some mitigation techniques that have worked before.  But after 3 giant glasses of water, I was still hungry.

Maybe I really was hungry, and not just bored or whatever it was that caused me to overeat before.

So I went out to the fridge.  And saw the leftover pizza.  There was one slice left.  I knew that it had been a relatively healthy pizza, and that I could have that one slice and not completely blow away the day's food budget.

Oh My God.  It tasted so good.

And the seal had been broken.

The slice of pizza down and two servings of pork rinds later (don't hate on the pork rinds, they're little protein bombs...high in fat, but higher in protein), I was finally not hungry.

I'm an idiot.  I could have probably stopped after the pizza.  Or just had another protein shake for the day.

I'm not going to be too upset with myself.  If I dwell, I'll give myself outs.  Reasons to quit.  Old Fat Jason type stuff.  New Temporarily Fat Jason says "eff you, tomorrow's another day".

Google Similar Images Video

From a Popular Photography article, this is what happens when you start with a transparent .png and search for similar images and take the first unique one every time...



Search by Image, Recursively, Transparent PNG, #1 from kingcosmonaut3000 on Vimeo.

And here's the original article: http://www.popphoto.com/news/2012/01/google-similar-image-used-2951-frames-recursive-video

Stay with it, it gets really wild once it gets past all the Hubble-type images.

 Just thought this was cool.

My Head on Things #3

My pizza.

Motivational Montage Moment of the Week #1.5

So, through a group discussion, I've decided to do a weekly motivational montage.  This is #1.5, as the Rocky one probably really should be #1.

Ok, maybe not the most serious one...but I was cracking up pretty good at it while looking around...

Making a Healthier Pizza

Sunday night is pizza night.

So, I need to make a healthier pizza.

The get this started...let's look at the end result.

The components:

The crust I make myself.  I start with one cup of warm water and a package of yeast.  Once the yeast is dissolved, I add some salt, some olive oil and one cup of whole wheat flour.  That goes in the mixer on low (2 on the Kitchenaid) for a minute or so.  Once that's good and incorporated, I start adding regular all-purpose flour until a recognizable dough is formed.  Sometimes I need to add a touch of water.  I really just eyeball it.  It usually ends up being about 3 cups of flour altogether.  Just don't go with all whole wheat flour.  I then take the dough ball and put it in a bowl sprayed with canola oil spray and cover with a towel.  I put it on the oven on the middle rack.  Then I take a deep pan full of hot water and put it in the oven also, as a way of raising and regulating the temperature.  The dough gets an hour to raise.

Once there's about ten minutes left, I start cooking up the Italian Turkey Sausage.  Go with Gianelli's.  The crew and I like it in bigger chunks.

Once the hour is up, the dough gets punched down, and is stretched into the pan, or as near as possible.  I've found the whole wheat dough to be a little less stretchy.  Not sure how to counteract this, maybe add some baking powder next time?  I'll take any suggestions here.

The oven gets preheated to 450.  While that's preheating, I take a couple tablespoons of olive oil and mix in some italian seasonings, red pepper flake, and garlic salt.  This gets brushed onto the crust, and the crust goes into the oven for five minutes, to set it in place, pretty much.  Proofing it, in a sense, I guess.

Once it's back out, now comes the sauce, part-skim or full-skim cheese, turkey pepperoni (Margherita brand is the best I've had so far) and the sausage.  Then a touch more cheese on the top, and it goes in the oven.

Bake it until it looks like this:

Ok, so I wanted to see it again.  Sue me.

Anyway, this is a VERY savory pizza.  And healthier than a normal pizza.  Not really healthy in and of itself, but anything in moderation is ok, as far as I'm concerned.  And trust me, one slice of this pizza is filling.  Damn filling.  If my kids weren't included in this dinner, I would probably go with peppers and onions instead  of the sausage.

Here's a hint:  Turkey pepperoni takes getting used to.  You can pre-toast it in the oven or the microwave a bit to help it out.  That's really the only way it will crisp up.  My method adds a few calories.  Once the pepperoni is on the pizza before the sausage, I give it a quick spray with canola oil.  That helps it crisp somewhat.

Burn Circuit 1 tonight, once the kids are in bed.  Maybe I'll check in after, and I need to come up with the motivational montage of the week.

Later.

REALLY?!! SERIOUSLY?!

Who voted for 'Chalene's Boobs'?  Did you even read the whole poll?  Tell me who you are so I can hit you on the head with a hammer.

The Price of Convenience

We've got a busy weekend ahead of us.  Basketball games, super-late Christmas with my parents, cleaning the boys' room MY WAY.  (You're doing the Frank Sinatra voice now, aren't you?  As long as it isn't the Fred Durst voice, because that would piss me off.)

Tangents, Jason, tangents...focus...

Sorry.  So, busy weekend.  I decided to get a jump by grocery shopping immediately after work.  I left the boys home with Arienne, and decided I would grab something easy to make for when I got home.  I burned through the grocery stores at warp speed, getting the items on my list while keeping an eye out for "Convenient and Healthy".

Well...stores don't really cater to Convenient and Healthy.  So I started thinking.  I had pretty much skipped snacks and a real lunch today.  Not because I was thinking ahead, but I just really wasn't hungry.  My lunch was a slim jim and an apple.  I know...slim jim...but I was out running errands on my lunch hour and knew I needed to get some protein for tonight's workout.  I really wasn't hungry.  The slim jim was easy to grab, and the apples were in the kitchen at work.

I decided I could grab a pizza from Tops to bake at home, and if I stuck with a piece, I'd be golden.

It was good thinking.  It was also good pizza.  Tops really loads the cheese.

I ate 3 pieces.

Dumbass.

So about an hour and a half later, I got the boys to bed and started tonight's workout.  Tonight was actually two workouts, Burn It Off and Recharge.

Burn it off is thirty minutes of intense cardio.

With a gut full of pizza.

Barf.

I didn't puke.  I wanted to.  But I didn't.  And once I'd been pumping for about ten minutes, the sick-y nauseous feeling went away, so that was good.  But until then, I was dragging ass.  It was still a great workout.  The second part, Recharge, is really just Yoga and stretching, so I made it through both pretty well.  And I honestly feel great, even though that sick-y nauseous feeling is back.

Oh well.

Tomorrow's a Rest Day.  I feel I've earned it.  It's been a long hard week, but also productive in some aspects.

Until next time.

Jason

The One About Fitness Equipment

Burn Circuit 3, week 2 -- probably my favorite of the burn circuits.  For two reasons.  It's mainly lower body exercises, which means I can really jack the weight up and feel like Chuck Norris.  A really fat, black-haired, Chuck Norris.  Secondly...and I may be wrong...but I'm pretty sure she wears a push-up bra for this video.

Seriously.

Half the time I'm thinking about my form, the other half I'm thinking about...other things...

Anyway, let's start right after work.  Today is a basketball practice day, so Amy picked up Seth and Arienne and Conrad stayed with me.  I took some of the frozen chicken strips that I mentioned before and threw them in a pan with just a touch of olive oil.  Then I added some Tastefully Simple Fiesta Party Dip seasoning to the pan and tossed the chicken around in it.  (See this person for ordering info)  While that was cooking, I threw a pouch of Uncle Ben's Natural Brown Rice in the microwave.  Once the rise was done, I threw it in the pan too with about 3 tablespoons of taco sauce, and a liberal amount of hot sauce (Cholula would have kicked ass here).  While that was cooking up some in the pan, I threw two of the Green Giant veggie bowl things in the microwave for Conrad and I.  Once the taco/rice/chicken/fiesta concoction thing was done, I divvied it up between two plates, sprinkled on some shredded cheese and split the veggies.  Conrad and I destroyed it.  It was really damn good, and it all came from my head.  I will call the recipe Jason's Super Awesome Taco Rice Chicken Extravaganza.  Seriously, though, using the brown rice in this way really didn't add many calories, and seriously cut the 'woodsy' flavor and texture of the rice itself.  Good  job, Jason.  Thanks, Jason.  After a good practice and talking with Amy for a bit when she picked up Conrad (things are evened out there quite a bit, we had a good talk today after I vented...I'm still angry...just not 'ready to kick a puppy' angry), it was time to workout.

Today, my good friend Mike let me borrow a spare set of dumbbells that he wasn't using.  They're the bowflex selecttech ones that are exactly the same that Boobarella uses in the videos.

Now, don't get me wrong, the resistance bands are really a great workout.  In a few exercises they probably even provide a truly unique and possibly better experience.

But....

For everything else, holy crapstain.  They just amp up the workout.  Immensely.  Even with the highest resistance band, I would never reach muscle failure.  I just wouldn't.  In one instance that I covered here before, the band actually failed before I did.

That will not be a problem with these.  Muscle failure is the entire goal of each exercise, and failure is definitely an option now.  I always felt good after workouts, but after this one, my first with these, I feel F'N AMAZING.  Like, rip a phone book in half while on a unicycle and spinning plates on a dowel held in my teeth amazing.  I can NOT endorse these things enough.  Thanks Mike.

That's all I've got tonight.  I'm wrecked.  Good night.

How I Felt on the Phone Last Night.

My Head on Things #2

DEVIL MAYO, DESTROYER OF FAMILIES!

Hints, Allegations and Things Finally Said

This isn't going to be a rah-rah entry.  This is going to be angry and venting...so you might just want to skip past it.  I'm sure I'll regret this in the future, but they're things that I need to get out of me.

I was in a bad place last night.  I was feeling extremely lonely and rejected.  Every time I watch my wife leave with my family it kills me a little more inside.

So she and I talked last night.  She finally gave some real reasons why she had to abandon us, had to leave us.  She says that she didn't leave the kids, but in a way she did.  And in doing so, she also forced that choice on me.  In her decision to leave, that forces me to lose my family when they're with her, and I have no say in that.  It sucks.

I have felt extremely useless and worthless since she left.  What was so wrong with me that she had to leave?  Why wasn't what we had worth even trying to work it out.  Make no mistake, she made almost zero effort to try to save it once I knew.  I'll never, never, forgive her for that.  She refused counseling, and our 'date nights' were us going to dinner then taking her shopping for clothing for her 'new life'.

She had already made the decision for us.  For all of us.

She had been saying already that she just 'fell out of love' with me.  I honestly do not understand that one fucking bit.  Not at all.  If that happens all the time, like she says it does, how does the institution of marriage even exist?  How did human beings become monogamous lifelong partners?  She still holds to that.  I still think it's bullshit.

After talking to her last night, I'm finally feeling angry.  I'm still hurt and feel worthless, but I'm angry now too.  She was telling me how great her life is now.  How she's learning all these things about herself.  Like how she hates mayonnaise.

Yup.  What a fucking epiphany.  She hates mayonnaise.  Well, I guess it was all worth it after all.

"Beware me...for I will bring heartache upon your family *maniacal laugh* *maniacal laugh*"

(for the Hellman's people...really, you have a wonderful product...any rational person can see through this...)

So yeah, I'm a little angry.  Angry for what she's done to me.  Angry for what she's done to our family.  She still doesn't see how her choices affect all of us.  The day will come, I'm sure, where she'll have to answer the questions.  When her kids will ask 'Why?'.  I hope she has a better response than "Seriously...have you ever had tuna salad...the mayo kills it.  That's why I left".

So last night was the heavy cardio/abs workouts.  After our conversation on the phone and a drive to clear my head, I decided to get down to it.  I didn't want to.  I didn't want to do anything.  But I did it.  I'm not going to lie, my heart wasn't in it.  It was very difficult for me to even try to keep up.  Sometimes I didn't.  I don't know if I should be proud of myself for still working out, even if it wasn't at 100%.  I don't care.  I know I did it, and through most of it I worked very hard at it.  And for the ab workout, I really did push it, probably because I knew it was almost done.

I don't know if this helps me.  I wish I could just 'fall out of love'.  It's been so long now, I probably shouldn't even be angry anymore, much less just getting to it.  I still feel worthless on many levels.

I've always tried to do the right thing.  For my family.  It's hard to find out that you were wrong.  What do I do now?  What do I do knowing that I probably will never do the right thing, solely due to lack of knowledge of the what the right thing ever is?  It's hard.

To end on a better note.  Steph left a kind note for me in her blog.  I read it this morning, and it really made me feel good.  It tells me that maybe I don't need to work so hard at TRYING to do the right thing.  Maybe it's just trying to be a good person without analyzing it and the right thing will happen.  Maybe I need to stop worrying about the right thing, and start thinking about the good thing?  I don't know.  Does anyone?

Motivation. And Communists.

Might watch this before every workout now.  And before starting work.  And before pooping.  (Thanks Mike)

If There Was Ever a Day To Skip a Workout...

I had excuses lined up asshole deep.  Which I'm assuming is pretty deep.  Although I guess it kinds of depend on the particular asshole.  So if it were my asshole, that might be quite a bit...but compared to a giraffe, my asshole is looking pretty good.

See what I mean?  Looking good.

Anyway, day started rough (talked about that already earlier), although I had a pretty good day at work.  Lunch was my typical shake/sandwich combo.  Seth's pick up went well after work, and I headed home.  Once there I started dinner (teriyaki pork stirfry with brown rice, actually came out great).  While cooking dinner, my daughter and I had a little disagreement which we resolved.  Seth wanted nothing to do with dinner and proceeded to completely melt down.  After dinner, Conrad and I headed to practice, for which only four kids showed up, which means a ton more running for coach.  Still had a good practice though.  Then we got home.  Normally I send the boys to bed at this point and get to my workout, around 8:30.

But Conrad's homework wasn't finished yet.

And he didn't get it finished until about 9:30.

So I wouldn't be starting my workout until 9:45 or later.

Yikes.  And my mood was still pretty sour besides from the events of the day.  And my legs were tired from running at practice so much.

Old Fat Jason would have said "Screw it...I'll make it up" knowing full well that Old Fat Jason wouldn't actually make it up.

(Old Fat Jason--look at the size of that pitcher...it looks like a glass in my giant meat fingers)

But New Temporarily Fat Jason decided to do the workout anyway.  My mood hadn't really improved, and I think I noticed it affecting how I was working out.  I was half-assing some stuff that I wouldn't normally half-ass.  Easy stuff, that I was taking shortcuts on.  So I had to make a concerted effort to stop doing that.

And something funny happened.

My mood improved.  Substantially.

I am SO GLAD I didn't skip the workout.  Just freakin' ecstatic.  Really.  Lesson learned.  

NEVER SKIP A WORKOUT.

My Head on Things #1

A calf.

Another Try at Healthy Original Cooking and Stuff

Yesterday was a rest day, so I had some time to try my hand at at coming up with something semi-original and relatively healthy.

When grocery shopping this past weekend, I decided to get more things that could transition from full family (or as much as is left of it) to cooking just for me.  So I grabbed a bag of frozen grilled chicken strips.  (Don't worry, I had a coupon for them)  I also had picked up some whole wheat linguine.  If you haven't tried whole wheat pasta yet, do it.  It actually is really tasty.  It's a more 'meaty' experience than regular pastas, and takes a little longer to cook, but it actually brings some of it's own flavor to the party.

I started by getting some water boiling on the stove for the pasta, heavily salted.  With that started I got to work chopping up some bacon.  Not much, mind you, this was really just for flavor.  Maybe three strips worth.  I started sauteing it in a large pan.  Once it was mostly crispy, I added some chopped onion.  As this was cooking the water had started boiling, so it was in with the pasta.

With the pasta rolling, I added the frozen chicken strips to the pan and about 1/3 cup of olive oil.  Not extra-virgin, regular olive oil.  To this was added a generous amount of chopped garlic and crushed red pepper flake.  I also added some Italian seasoning, which is like oregano and parsley and dreams of Sofia Vergara's chest all combined into one, although I'm not sure she's Italian.  I'm sure she has amazing breasts though.  Really.  Just magnificent...oh no...I'm drifting here, sorry...anyway...

I then added some of the frozen chicken strips and got that all working together in the pan.  I threw some corn in the microwave while my daughter made up a spinach salad.  Once the pasta was ready, I took out about 1/3 cup of the water it was boiling in and added it to the pan, drained the pasta, and added it to the pan as well.  Tossed it all together for a couple minutes, then we sat down to eat.

It was actually pretty good.  I put a little Parmesan cheese on the top of it, had some corn and some salad with it.  It could have used more red pepper for my taste, and I actually needed to add a touch of salt, which I didn't think would be needed.  But I was happy with it.  The kids all seemed to enjoy it as well.  I probably ate too much of it, as I went in for a second helping, but I was still hungry.

After dinner Seth, Conrad and I played some video games together, mostly Nazi Zombies.  Once they went to bed, I nailed a personal high score on Galaga on the arcade cabinet, then sat to watching the Syracuse and Celtics games.  It was a good night.

I'm a little nervous about today though, Seth woke up with a bloody nose, so everything in the morning routine got a little compacted, I wasn't able to get a good breakfast, just scarfing down some turkey sausage, and I'm feeling a little anxious.  But, I've got practice tonight then my workout, both things that I really enjoy, so that should be fun.

I'm also contemplating joining this.  Anyone else in?

Learning How to Eat and Starting Week 2

Let's talk about eating.

This workout plan is focused on building muscle.  Muscle burns fat.  That's the central theme.  To build muscle it takes protein.  Protein is probably one of the sparsest items in the average American's diet.  Of the three main calorie providers, fat, carbohydrates, and protein...protein is the red-headed stepchild.

The thing is, I've learned, protein is actually really easy to acquire.  Which makes balancing your protein intake versus your fat and carbohydrate intake less difficult.

First, lean meats.  Turkey, pork, chicken and lean beef.  Three things I like, and one (turkey) that I tolerate.  Beans are also very good, as well as certain vegetables, like spinach.  With the revelation that my children enjoy spinach, we're eating much more of that around here.

So let's talk about a few meals I've had.  Pork stir-fry and pizza.

For the pork stir-fry, as it was just me, I took one smaller size pork chop and cut it into thin strips.  I took a small amount of canola oil and heated it in a non-stick pan.  Then I threw the pork in, a splash of rice wine vinegar (I love this stuff), a decent amount of soy sauce and a bit of hot sauce, and some chopped garlic.  While that got going, I sliced up a pepper into then strips then tossed that into the stir-fry.  While stir-frying that I had a Green Giant Vegetables For One broccoli serving in the microwave along with a Minute Rice Long Grain Brown Rice.  They all finished up about the same time.  The brown rice was kinda iffy, but the rest was amazing.  It was a great, easy, quick dinner.

Pizza was a relatively healthy dinner, too.  Instead of regular sausage and pepperoni, I used turkey versions of both.  Turkey pepperoni is pretty nasty, but if you toast it in the oven for a bit after spraying it with canola oil spray, it makes all the difference in the world.  Combine that with the homemade crust I made, and one slice of pizza was plenty.

Besides dinners like that, my breakfasts have been high-protein as well, with turkey breakfast sausage and an english muffin as a typical breakfast.  Lunches have been a protein shake made with skim milk and a turkey sandwich.  For snacks in between it's been almonds and clementines or pears.

Over the last week, I've rarely been overly hungry, and when I have, I've eaten.  That simple.  With the change to smarter foods, my intake has decreased, but I'm still feeding my body enough to enable the increased energy my workouts are providing.

There's one other thing.  I don't know if it's the protein shakes, the change in diet, the workouts...but there is an interesting side effect.

Poop.

Yeah.  You poop differently.  Big.  Firm.  Long.  Logs.  Like..."OMYGODISITEVERGOINGTOSTOPCOMINGOUTOFMYBUTT" logs.  These are man poops. John Wayne poops.  Every time I drop one of these, I have the urge to call everyone 'pilgrim' for an hour.  These aren't the poops that ANYONE on Project Runway is taking.

Also, this was the first workout of week 2, back to Burn Circuit 1.  I've found I can already do more of the exercises at higher weights and do more of the pushups, as well as dropping lower on the squats and lunges.  It's encouraging.  Extremely so.

Rest day tomorrow, then Burn Circuit 2 on Tuesday.

Thanks for reading.

Jason

FYI...

I didn't drop a pants size.  I dropped 2.

Reflecting on a Week of Working out to a Chick with Amazing Breasts...

Ok, so, one week down.  Every workout done for the week.

First, physically, I feel really good right now.  Like...just amazingly good.  Better than I have in a long time.  I'm sore, but not incapably so.

Mentally, it's helping.  I look forward to working out now.  I really enjoy it.  And...I may not have mentioned this before, but the chick has just spectacular boobs.  Really.  After workouts I'm always tired, but really have a total zen feel about me.  It's an amazing feeling.

Results wise, I think I'm seeing some positive changes already.  I've lost around 6 or 7 pounds (I'm not really too nazi about checking the scale).  I also think I'm down a pants size.  When I'm out getting groceries, I'm going to try on some smaller jeans, see if I'm right.

Anyway, this has really been effective, several ways.

Until next time.

Day 6 - Burn It Off and Recharge

Just a quick post today.  I actually thought today was a rest day, but I was an idiot and read the calendar wrong.  Luckily a conversation with a coworker (thanks Jeff), pointed out that TOMORROW is the rest day and today was a workout day.

That's good.  I'd rather have Saturdays off than Fridays.

Burn It Off is another cardio routine, with only 1 or 2 exercises using weights.  This one was a much more 'traditional' cardio workout I'd say, and I found it easier to complete than the first one.  Lots of fast leg work in this one.

Recharge is a yoga/tai-chi combo if I had to describe it.  This is actually kind of hard to do for me, as my gut tends to get in the way (for now).  This workout seemed really designed for stretching, and honestly, I'm wrecked, but I feel great right now.

I'll be back tomorrow (probably) with a summary of the week.

Thanks for reading,
Jason

Day 5 - Burn Circuit 3

Today's session focused much more on legs and shoulders.  Almost every exercise used heavy weights and very slow repetitions.  Several of them included calf raises while in a sumo squat or lunge.  Awesome.

I think this was my favorite routine yet.  I feel REAALLLY strong right now.

That might partially be because of my North Country Resistance Handle Handles.  I made them so strong, and I was pulling on the resistance band so strongly that THE ABS PLASTIC LOOP ON THE RESISTANCE BAND SNAPPED.

Yup.  My handle out-lived the band.  Awesome.  And that means I was pulling hard enough to break the band.

Day 4 - Burn Intervals and Ab Burner

Chalean...you can suck it.  I hate you.

That is all, I need to shower.

(I may actually put something interesting here about today's workout...just as soon as am able to think coherently again...)

Day 3 - Burn Circuit 2

So, on the workout program, day 2 is a rest day.

Yesterday I rested.

It was good.

But, I also did some research.  I knew that I would need more handles for my resistance bands.  My bands have little loops on the end that clip to the handles.  Every pair of handles I could find locally didn't use a latch like that.  They had this crazy little notch that a nub on the end of the bands locked into.

That wouldn't work for me.

It was time to get the good old north country redneck wheels turning.

When I bought this house, I purchased from a little old lady (who honestly...was a little batshit crazy...but that's another story).  In the basement of this house, she left EVERY HANDLE TO EVERY BROOMSTICK, SHOVEL, AXE, LONG-HANDLED TOOL OF EVERY KIND THAT SHE HAD EVER HAD IN HER LIFE.  I'm not kidding.  I've used these things over and over in various half-baked redneck ideas.

Well, I had another half-baked redneck idea.  I could make handles.  I would need 4.  I could take one of the old broomstick handles, and cut 4 equal lengths of it.  Then, with a pilot bit that I had left over from a previous "ADVENTURE WITH JASON IN MOST-LIKELY-WILL-FAIL HOUSE REPAIR" (at least they usually fail spectacularly...or succeed spectacularly...like the time my brother-in-law and I built a deck that smelled like delicious buttered popcorn for three days...), I would drill a hole all the way through the pieces.  Then, I could run a strong shoelace through, tie the ends together, and get one of those carabiners (or D-Clip, thanks John) to attach to the bands.

The first one went very well.

The rest...did not.  Well, the next two anyway.  It's REALLY HARD to drill through the equivalent of a 1 inch diameter dowel eight inches deep with a handheld drill.  I clamped those suckers tight and everything, but without a drill press, it just wasn't going to happen.

But, I'm nothing if not hard-headed.  I had little eye-bolts.  I could screw one into each end, and then run the shoelace through that instead.  Easy peasey japanesey.  It actually worked really well.  After scrounging for carabiners, finding two in the basement, one at work (thanks Pete and Tim) and one at Rite Aid, I was ready to use my North Country Resistance Band Leftover Broomstick Handle Handles (patent pending?).  Total cost:  2.59 for one carabiner at Rite Aid, and one small bruise on my gut from when the table saw sent one of the cuts flying at me just after it had cut all the way through the handle.  Yes, Dad, I did have the depth of the saw blade set correctly.  And yes, Dad, I was using the guard.

Yup.  Totally looks like it belongs on the Red Green Show.  But they worked.  I only had to re-knot one handle once, then it was good to go.

So that was how I spent my lunch hour.  I also had time to get down a protein shake, which I'm actually starting to grow fond of.  

After work, I cooked up a dinner of turkey meatballs, whole grain pasta in alfredo sauce and a spinach salad. Did I mention that my kids LOVE fresh spinach?  I know!  Holy crap!  That's exciting.  Pretty sure we'll be having a spinach salad with every meal now.

Conrad and I had practice, which went very well, then came home.  I got the boys to bed and fired up...drum roll...Day 3:  Burn Circuit 2.

Now, let me just say that I was still REALLY sore from day 1.  

Burn Circuit 2 may seem the same when reading the exercises as Burn Circuit 1, but there is one MAJOR difference.  For almost EVERY exercise in this one...you're in a weird position.  I'm going to focus on two of these exercises instead of giving the full rundown again.

Bowler's Lunge with Single Arm Row.

Yeah, you stand like you just bowled a bowling ball, then dip, and then do a row with the weight or resistance band in one hand.  You're REALLY off-balance here, and the result is killer.  It really is amazing.  What ends up happening is all your weight is on your hip pushing out.  You do 6 on the right side, then 6 on the left side.  Now, I'm not an accomplished bowler, but I've played in a league before, so I don't look like a complete moron...when I'm on the right side.

On the left side...let's just say Parker Bohn III would not be impressed with my form.  (Seriously...how great a name is that?  If I were a porn actor...that's probably the name I would have picked for my dick.  And yes, I only threw that in there so that I could make the porn joke.  DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!)

But yeah, I was a mess.  I made it through, though.

Biceps Curl with Abductor Balance.

Yeah, a biceps curl.  Pretty normal, right?  Well this one you do WHILE STANDING ON ONE FOOT.  And not with your other leg bent at the knee.  Oh no.  You lean to the side like you do when you're walking somewhere and you have to poop really badly and are afraid that you're gonna lose it if you so much as think about bending your knees.

So...here's how it goes.  You stand with both feet on the band shoulder-width or a little better apart.  Then you do the poo lean.  Once you're at full lean, you do a curl, slowwwwwly and bring it down slowwwwwly.  Once all that is finished, you can stand back normal.  Then repeat doing the poo lean to the other side.

What happens here is that not only are you fighting the band with your arms, but while you're at full poo lean, you're also fighting it with your extended leg.  Here's a picture of me doing it:

Honestly...you'll feel this exercise.  Alot.

Anyway...It was a good workout.  I'm sweaty and tired.  So good night.  Tomorrow is Burn Intervals and Ab Burner, whatever the hell those are.

Sometimes I Write

Sometimes I will post things that I write.  They're kind of stream-of-consciousness, and are unedited, but I'll post them on here.  There's seldom any form, and they're probably crap, but hey, it's writing.

Once upon a time there was a boy.
He was supremely ordinary.
And once upon that same time there was a girl.
Ordinary, she was anything but.
A light shined from her.
Tempered by life.
Sharpened by experience.
Hopeful, maybe?

The boy had his own light.
Dulled by fear.
Blurred by experience.
Anxious of life.

Then, one day,
Her light shone on his.
And his light brightened.
Her light showed him what could be,
And it was beautiful.

She showed him music,
As if for the first time.
And his ears were joyous.
She showed him sustenance,
Such as he had never known.
And his hunger was gone.
She showed him beauty,
Beauty over-powering, as the sun.
And he was warm.
She taught him to feel.
And her love felt of the softest silk.

That was all he had to give her.
Love without bound.
And they were happy.

Chalean Extreme Burn Circuit 1...Day 1

Ok...I'm sweating.  Hard.

I just finished the first day of the program, called Burn Circuit 1.

Couple things I learned:
1.  Get more sets of handles for the resistance bands.  I'll be switching up between them.  One level of resistance isn't going to work for the whole circuit.

2.  Don't wear my running shoes.  Wear cross trainers.

3.  That chick is REALLY NICE TO LOOK AT.  And she's not annoying.  At all.  Not very rah-rah, which always seems a little...disingenuous to me.

So let's go over the exercises really quickly.

First is a couple minutes of warmup.  Stretches, really.  Some quick aerobic type stuff.  Pretty simple, but it gets you warm in a hurry.  And it's quick.

Sumo Squat w/ Hip Lift -- Actually pretty easy.  You squat like a sumo with the bands, then stand and raise each hip alternately.  Not much too it.

Lunge w/ Posterior Fly -- Yikes.  I hate lunges.  Then you do a fly at full lunge.

Push-up w/ Leg Lift -- Yup, you do a push-up, then lift your leg.  Repeat with the other leg.  I hate push-ups more than lunges.

Dead Lift with Posterior Fly -- Basically just a plain old Dead Lift, then fly behind you.  I really enjoyed this one.  This is one of the ones that I really needed a stronger band for.

Lunge with Core Rotation -- This one is a killer.  You lunge, then do a rainbow motion with bands while lunged, then a quick dip and back to standing.  Great exercise.

Bench Press with Leg Lower -- Another one I need a stronger band for.  You lay on your back, with your legs at 90 degrees.  Or if you're me...70ish degrees.  You do a bench press, and once you're at the top, as you lower, you lower your legs too.  Then raise your legs with the press.  Awesome exercise, really.

Squat w/ Side Bend -- You squat, stand, bend to your sides.  Another one for a stronger band.

Fwd-Lean Lunge w/ Posterior Fly -- Yay.  More lunges.  This one is harder than the first.  I don't really remember why, but it was.  Maybe I was more tired.

Chest Fly W/ Hip Lift -- On your back again, this time when you fly the weights, you lift your hips off the ground too.  Another really good exercise.  Another one for the stronger band.

Peppered in a few time is what they call 'extreme' exercises, which basically are ones you just did, just WAAAAY slower and you really need to concentrate on those muscle groups.  They work.  The last one is pushups.

You finish with more stretches.

Now, let me say, this might be the most fun workout program I've ever done.  There's juuuust the right amount of time in between exercises, and no repetition.  You do an exercise, and then you won't see it again that day.  This is good for me.  And the whole thing took 37 minutes.  And I'm sweating right now.  Hard.

I liked this one.  Alot.  And she's hot.

How I'm Going About Hitting the Goals

So, last post I set out some goals I had for the year.  I've been thinking about them and trying to set a plan in motion on how to attain them.  Let's take a look at them one at a time.

1.  Write more

I'm an up and down writer.  When the mood strikes me, I'll write a shitload of stuff.  I've actually even had a story included in a commercial anthology.  Yes, I included the link so you can buy it.  So go buy it.

That being said, my writing is more in my head and doesn't get written down.  I need to start writing more of it down.  So, for that goal, I'm not doing the greatest.  Although, writing here is still writing, right?  ISN'T IT?  DAMN SKIPPY IT IS, SO GO TO HELL.

2.  Take more pictures

Well, the backup camera is by the front door ready to go in the car.  Not much more to say there.

3.  More 5k's, and 4.  Run For Your Life

These two are really getting combined into one.  I tried starting the Couch to 5k program, but my treadmill has crapped the bed.  So, I spent quite a bit of time last week researching workout plans.  I needed one that didn't require a bunch of equipment, and was under 50 minutes or so.

I decided on ChaLEAN Extreme.  And yes, the UNBELIEVABLE SMOKING HOTNESS of the chick that pushes it did have a major impact on the choice.  Also, the fact that I can do it with the resistance bands I already have and the workouts are around 40 minutes a piece were factored in.  Also, the chick is CRAZY hot.  So that will help keep my attention.  Seriously.

You can click on the link to purchase it...or you can just stare at the hot chick.

My first workout session with this is tonight.  Afterwards, maybe I'll post a little bit about how it went.  Or I won't.  I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!

5.  Play More Guitar/Drums

I play Rocksmith on the 360 at lunch every day.  Done and done.

6.  More Outdoor Stuff

Well, that's kinda on hold waiting for better weather.

So, I'm doing decently...and have a plan in place to start.  Here's to hope.

China Cabinet Project

In my dining room is a large china cabinet (thanks, Aunt Beth).  When my wife still lived here, it had an antique set of china in it that she had gotten from her mother.  When she left, one of the things she took was the china.

So for a while now, I've had this big empty china cabinet sitting in my dining room.

It had some crap in it, as you can see.  I was talking to my mother one day, and she suggested using it to showcase some of my pictures.  I originally didn't plan on using it for that.  But the idea floated around in my head for awhile, until I decided to give it a try.

There were two problems.  I wanted to light the photos inside the cabinet, but first, there were no outlets on the wall near the cabinet.  Secondly, I didn't want to drill a hole anywhere in the cabinet for a power cord.  I figured maybe I could find some clearance leftover battery-operated christmas lights.

I didn't find any.  Not just battery-operated ones, but no christmas lights at all.  But, at Lowe's, I saw an under-cabinet battery-operated LED lamp.  It was twelve bucks, and I would need at least twelve of them.  Yikes.  So I decided to move on.  Maybe I'd be able to do it sometime in the future.

I headed to Big Lots to look for a new area rug for the living room.  The one that was there was pretty ratty.  While at Big Lots, I saw these 3-packs of battery-operated LED bars.  They were cheap.  I bought four of them.  I went to Walgreens and got a bunch of 5x7's printed up (I had a coupon for them, too), and got lucky with frames at the Dollar Store.

Back at home, I organized everything.

Yeah.  The LED bars were silver.  Yikes.  But, at the dollar store I also found little cans of brown Krylon spray paints that were 3/1.00.  Perfect.  You can also see the batteries I got from BJ's for the LEDs.

First, I had to open up all the packages of LEDs.  Yup, they were still silver.  So I grabbed some masking tape and went to work taping off the lights.

You can also see the mechanism for opening the package.  Always use the right tool for the job.  If you don't have the right tool, use a tool that's complete overkill.  Like a diagonal cutter.  I took the lights outside and got to work readying them for painting.

After applying the first coat of paint, I went inside to start organizing and framing the pictures.  I did all the black-framed ones first, then went out a put on a quick second coat.  After that, I went back in and finished off the red frames.

Once everything was framed up, I headed out to check on the paint.  It was completely dry.  Well, dry enough to start mounting them in the cabinet.  

Yup.  Brown.  And all batteried up.  Getting the backs off was a complete pain, but I got it.  Those little dials on the side of the lamps let you tilt the light.  Perfect for this!  I used the adhesive velcro to mount them in the cabinet.  Then put in the pictures.  And rearranged them.  And rearranged them again.  And again.  Once I was done, I was pretty happy with the outcome.

All in all, it ended up being a pretty cool project, and it looks pretty damn awesome all lit up.  The lamps have two brightness settings, not that I'll use anything other than the brightest setting.

Anyway, I feel pretty damn good about it.  I didn't have to drill any holes or move any massive cabinets.  I got lucky with prices and finding ton of stuff at the dollar store.  Came out pretty well.

Oh, and I did get a new rug.  The dog has already covered it in hair.  Sometimes, I'd like to cover him in napalm.

Yup...2011 Is Over...Good Riddance

2011 is over.  Thankfully.  I don't think I could have taken too much more 2011.  Easily the worst year of my life.

You can see my last post.  June 30th, 2011.  The day my wife left.  The day she moved out.  It hurt so much.  It still does.  I still love her, with all that I am.

Wait, I don't want this to get too Twilight-y, or feel of emo-bullshit-angst.  Really.  Just know that it's been horrible.  I've had good days and bad days.  Mostly bad.  But I'm trying.  I've done little things to try to get my life in a better spot.  Some have worked.  Most haven't.

I got onto one of the online dating sites.  Most of the women there are kinda crazy.  I met a couple, one I just didn't click with, and another that I wanted to.  I wanted to so badly.  Things moved fast.  Too fast.  I was happy when I was spending time with her, but every time I left, I would feel terrible.  Like I was cheating on Amy.  The woman I want.  Those brief moments of happiness would make me so upset and I would beat myself up for days afteward.  I had to end it.

I'm not going to do anymore dating.  Right now, there's only one woman I want.

That's enough about that.  I'm having good days.  More good days, anyway.

Seth's speech has improved by leaps and bounds.  That has made it so much more easier for him and I to interact.  I don't lose my cool as easily as before, mainly because he isn't losing his cool so easily.  He's so much fun with the nerf guns.  Seth, Conrad, Arienne and I have had more than a few nerf gun wars.  The only hard part is making sure Conrad isn't aiming at faces, even though Arienne is the one that hit me in the face!

I'm also coaching Conrad's CCYO basketbal team.  I'm enjoying it even more than I thought I would, even with the few 'parent' issues I've had.

I'm really trying to make 2012 better.  I'm not going to be all rah-rah or anything like that.  That's not me, not right now.  I'm not going to set resolutions or anything like that.  I'm just going to set some goals.

1.  Write more.  I enjoy it.  I should do it more.
2.  Take more pictures.  I think I might keep the old Rebel XT in the car with me, or get a little point and shoot to keep with me at all times.  I'm also going to make sure I'm taking more photo 'trips'.
3.  I want to start doing more 5k's.  I enjoyed training for them when I was.  When I identify what ones I'm doing, I'll post them here.
4.  I also want to do the Run For Your Life in Baltimore...maybe a closer one will be organized, which would be tits.
5.  Play more guitar/drums.  I've got Rocksmith for the 360, which is a stupid amount of fun.  I'm going to try to play it as much as I can.
6.  More outdoors stuff.  I started getting back on my mountain bike before the fall ended, and I loved it.  I want to get out on it more once spring comes.  I'd also like to take a serious hiking trip, or do a couple of the Adirondack High Peaks.

These are all things that I can do to make 2012 better.  Make myself a better person.  I hope.  I'm planning on posting here more often, use this as a mental dumping ground.  It'll be fun, if I actually keep it up!