Wegman's Vegetable Roll w/ Brown Rice - A Review (with 4-part harmony)

Yesterday was the last workout day, and I decided to get up early and bang it out before work.  I learned some things from it.

1. Warming up takes much longer.  Getting to where my muscles felt loose took 2 or 3 exercises.
2. I felt MUCH stronger doing Lean Circuit 3 in the morning than at my normal nighttime procedure.
3. You're hungry all day.  Like...yeah.  Hungry.

So, the main reason I decided to do the workout was last night.  Thursday night basketball with some coworkers.  We play on a court that's about 2/3 normal, and run full-court.  I had tried doing the workouts after basketball with varying degrees of success.  Yesterday, I wanted to get the workout done and out of the way, and it was a good trial run for when I restart the program in a couple weeks.

When I got home from work, I decided to skip dinner, as I didn't want to be puking all over the brand new facility.  I figured I could pick something up afterward.  So, after an hour and 45 minutes of basketball (I played terribly...just awful), I rolled into Wegman's about 8:45 pm.

I went right to the first thing I wanted, a nectarine.  I love me some nectarines, especially when they're a little under ripe and crunchy.  I wandered around for awhile looking for anything that piqued my interest.

I didn't find anything.

Not too long ago, the local Wegman's added a full-feature sushi bar with tons of different items.  Some of my friends (Steph, Mike, et all...) had given very good reviews of the options available.  With those in mind, I sauntered over to the sushi case.  I'm not a raw (or cooked) seafood fan, but there were many veggie choices available.  One of them was with brown rice!  So I grabbed a package labeled "Vegetable Roll with Brown Rice", a Dr. Pepper 10 (just terrible...really...I thought I had a Diet Dr. Pepper...dumbass), and my nectarine.  Paid for the lot, and headed home.

My dinner...

So this was my dinner last night.  Yes, that's a potty chair in the background.  Ignore it.

Now, I've tried sushi in the past, even the raw fish stuff, and haven't like it.  They do something to the rice, some kind of flavoring, that just does not taste good to me.  Or it's the nori stuff that's part of the wrapper.  Whatever it is, I haven't liked it.  So I was...hesitant, but eager to try.

I opened the package and inspected the contents.

Inside are 8 neatly packed little rolls of rice, nori (the seaweed wrapper thing) and vegetables.  Pretty sure there's some carrot, avocado, cucumber, and I believe I tasted some celery, but I'm not sure.  There were also some toasted sesame seeds on the outside.  Killer, I love toasted sesame seeds.  I took a closer look.

Yup.  Sesame seeds.  Inside the package is also this wasabi sauce stuff, and soy sauce.  I'd seen people mix the soy and wasabi stuff together in the past, so I decided to do the same.  After that, it was time to try the rolls themselves.

I picked up the first one.  It was sticky on the outside.  Strangely so.  Ok...full disclosure...sticky things FREAK ME RIGHT THE F*%K OUT.  Seriously.  Put a sticker on my skin and I'll have a complete mental breakdown.  So, yeah, I was unnerved.

Ok, hold on, the Smashing Pumpkins version of 'Landslide' just came on my pandora...talk amongst yourselves...




AND I SAW MY REFLECTIONNNN IN THE SNOW-COVERED HILLLLLLLLSS




Alright, back to the review.  So, the outside was sticky.  Not cool.  I tried the first bite without any of the sauce.  The vegetables were very crisp and fresh.  A nice light taste.  The texture as a whole was decent, perhaps a little mushy but not unpleasantly so.

But there was something there.  Some kind of taste that just...wasn't good.  I couldn't quite explain it.

My second bite was with the soy/wasabi concoction.  I dipped the entire bottom of the remaining roll and gave it a good dredge through the mixture.  It helped.  Wasabi and soy together are a strong, hot combination, which is how I like to think of myself.  Strong and hot.  And moist.  Just like the sauce.

But that background flavor was still there, and it was compounding.

I finished the bite, and ran out to the kitchen and grabbed a dampened washcloth for my fingers.  TO GET RID OF THAT NASTY STICKINESS.  Yuck.  I probably could have grabbed a fork or some chopsticks, but the sticky had made my brain a little addled.

I tried the next two rolls with the sauce.  The veggies again were very crisp and tasty, and would have been very good, but I was starting to figure out what that background flavor was.

Boiled Farts.  Pretty sure.

I decided to eat at least half of the offering, which meant one more roll.  But damn.  I didn't want to eat any more boiled fart.  If this stuff was a rock band, it'd be Nickelback.  For whatever god-damn reason, people love it, but it makes NO sense to me.  Just like this sushi-type shit.  But I ate the fourth one.  It was finally too much.  I HAD STICKY FINGERS AND WAS EATING BOILED FART.  IT NEEDED TO STOP.  NO MAS.

So anyway, I would have to say that I did not enjoy it.  No sir, I didn't like it.  So on the 'Old Fat Jason Scale of Respectability', these get:

1 Old Fat Jason Face out of 5.  Only because the veggies on the inside were very fresh and tasty.

Also, my nectarine was killer.