A year ago, I thought I had everything I ever wanted. I was getting in shape, I was feeling better than I ever had. I was preparing for a 5k run, and I could do it. I had an amazing wife, 3 great kids, an excellent career, etc...
My wife and I have been together 13 years. They've been the best 13 years of my life. She's given me so much, every day with her has been amazing. Everything I've ever done, has been for her.
Over the last year or so, she started becoming more and more distant. Every chance she could get to leave the house, she'd take. It became very frustrating for me. We'd try to talk about it, and she'd tell me how hard her job was, how she missed her mother.
About three months ago, it all came to a head. We were eating lunch together, and we were in complete silence. I was so frustrated with her and her constant absence, I said something. I told her that she could keep avoiding me, but that she had to start spending more time with the kids, that I couldn't keep being their only parent.
She let loose. She told me that she didn't love me anymore. That she hadn't for a while.
My life came crashing down. Over the last three months, I've watched everything I've ever know fall apart around me. I've fallen apart. She's still here, trying find her love for me, I guess. She keeps telling me that she'll make a decision soon. I sleepwalk through my days now. I do what I need to do for my kids, I try to do the things to help her love me again, but all I feel is constant failure and rejection.
I need to do something. Anything. Starting tomorrow, I start up running again. Doing the couch to 5k program, which I've done before.
I don't know why I'm doing this. Why I'm writing here. But I am. Maybe it'll be cathartic. Maybe it'll help find out who I am, and what I want.
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